Mental Health and Running: My Journey and Shared Experiences Within NETC
Not unlike the majority of people, I struggled during the pandemic. My therapist says things fester in isolation, I agree. Then we all found ourselves in the perfect petri dish of isolation and solitude.
Similarly, I’ve had a hard relationship with my body and exercise. Wanting to be better, wanting to be fitter, wanting to be thinner, wanting to be stronger. Growing up in sports, it was easy to accidentally equivocate my self-worth with athletic performance, physical ability, and superficial looks. I grew up as a competitive gymnast training 5 hours a day, 6 days a week; transitioned to D1 collegiate pole vaulting, all without ever needing to ask myself, who am I outside athletics? Who am I despite athletics? Who am I without athletics?
Then came the Pandemic, leading me right into the petri dish of isolation having moved from California to DC in October of 2020 without knowing a single person. I didn’t belong to an athletic team for the first time in my life. I didn’t have any friends. My family was far away. My job was online. And I found this perfect storm of circumstances affecting my mental health that forced the issue, those hard questions of who am I? Not in relation to sports only, not in relation to work only, not in relation to a hobby or success, just who am I?
Something that has helped me daily is self-compassion and forgiveness. I forgive myself for not being the athlete I once was, and forgive myself for still wishing I was. I forgive myself for the things I did to get by when I was trying my best. I forgive myself for changing. I feel compassion for my younger self who was so angry, for my younger self who was hard on themselves and their body, for my younger self who felt very alone. And I forgive myself for feeling that way.
During the pandemic, I joined a running group: Northeast Track Club (NETC). NETC runners come from all backgrounds, in all shapes and sizes, and we often share experiences, both good and bad. When Mental Health Month came around this year, I realized this was a great opportunity to open a space for our team to talk about these challenges and how running has impacted us both in positive (and sometimes negative ways).
It was important for NETC to talk about mental health, and we did because one of my dear friends and a long time NETC-er, Marcus Beals reminded me about it. He said this is something we should be talking about, and he was absolutely right. When we show up to track, we’re not just runners. We bring with us all the troubles from the day, all the wins and hurt. We bring with us those questions, of who we are, of what we want. Why we run.
We bring with us our past, and it permeates the present. When we show up at the track, we are a full pie chart of a person. We are our jobs, our high school selves, our book we’re reading. We bring all the aspects of who we are to the track that impacts our relationship with running.
Dr. Ktoff says, “Too often there’s [sic] expectations that I set for myself that lead to doubt and periods of being overwhelmed. Support of loved ones keeps me from drowning in self depreciating thoughts and feelings. Also exercise and setting athletic goals has helped tremendously.”
Someone else on our team says mental health struggles are “not a failing. It's not a personal fault. It's an injury.” And something that helps this person is “writing down what's in my head that I'm struggling with. Doing meditation before I start my day, at lunch, and then before bed. Talking to my therapist. Doing physical activity. Getting outside. Being around other people.”
Another friend on our team notes, “That it's not something that's "fixed" -- it’s a long term struggle that has its ups and downs over time,” but things that help them are “runs, hikes in the woods, talking with trusted friends about what's going on, cooking a delicious meal for myself.”
Marcus had his first anxiety attack when he was 12. He reminds us that “there doesn’t have to be a traumatic event or identifiable reason for feelings of anxiety/depression. While those often trigger intense reactions, you don’t need a reason to feel the way you do and accepting those feelings will help you address them in the long run.” Marcus says, “Exercise, running, and biking in particular, have long been a way for me to confront my mental health struggles as they provide an outlet to both embrace and work through the negative thoughts and feelings I may be having.”
Another NETC runner and teammate noted, “Mental toughness is not something you have or you do not have, it is something you can learn and grow and find balance in.” They found that “with time and learning about my own mental health I was able to learn tools to adjust my mindset and find a calmer place to approach new obstacles.” And that “the anxiety/stress/antsy-ness I feel in my body, is my body preparing me to take on the next challenge in front of me.”
And though everyone’s contributions are worth sharing, some of those I found most impactful and think everyone should see include:
“Boys get sad too,” a good reminder that men’s mental health isn’t talked about nearly enough.
“Taking 5 minutes to do deep breathing or use Calm app.”
“Taking care of yourself looks different for everyone. Know your boundaries and try to learn to respect others.”
“My mental health is my number one reason for running.”
“Professional help is always a good step.” And, “…forcing myself to spend time with others…” helps.
Jules at NETC thinks about her mental health every day. She says, “My struggle has always been with eating disorders, and I think there’s a serious lack of understanding that eating disorders look so so [sic] different for every person struggling with them.” She goes on to address what has helped her, “Talking about it- with friends, family, therapist etc. Closing off only makes it harder to work through things.”
And in that same vein, something else that helps another friend is “medicine, hugs, being around people without needing to actually talk with them or interact too engagingly.”
Finally, I want to share one last contribution from another NETC friend. I related to it and I think it sums up how many of us may feel. They wrote, “There was a time when I used to feel sad and embarrassed about the version of me from some years ago who missed out on so much, who held herself back out of fear, and who accepted people in her life who didn’t lift her up. But lately, I’ve realized one of the gifts of having made it to this point and worked through a lot of struggle is that because of those darker times, I now have so much more appreciation for the people in my life today who do lift me up and for the contentment and moments of joy that happen in each day.”
Every one of us comes to the track for individual reasons, with different goals, and various boundaries. But our common thread is running. Not on its own, but as a piece of what makes us all whole, a piece of that pie chart of who we are. We learn from one another that each day is its own, each body is unique, and each workout brings a new opportunity to offer something that may be missing that day. We run to be strong, mentally and physically. We run to be together and to fend off the negative thoughts that fester in isolation. We run to be.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
Positive Effects of Running on Mental Health
Facts and Prevalence of Mental Health in America
Approximately one in five adults experience mental illness in a given year.
45% of adults with mental illness get treatment in a given year.
People with depression have a 40% higher risk of developing cardiovascular and metabolic diseases than the general population. People with serious mental illness are nearly twice as likely to develop these conditions.
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among people aged 10-34.
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S.
Additional statistics can be found here.
Resources for Anyone Struggling with Mental Health
NATIONWIDE
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 1-800-273-8355 (soon to be 988)
Crisis Text Line - Text “HELLO” to 741741
Better Help - numerous promo codes
DMV
Better Morning - (full list via Open Counseling)
DC Department of Behavioral Health
How to Support a Friend Struggling with Mental Health
How to help someone at risk - American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
